17DECEMBER2017

BEING A WORKAHOLIC CAN BE GOOD AND BAD. TRYING TO NUMB MYSELF WITH WORK YET MEETING BAD CREW REALLY MAKE ME FEEL LIKE LEAVING. DOES SENIORITY REALLY MEAN THAT MUCH IN AIRLINE INDUSTRY? IF THAT'S SO, WOULD YOU PREFER SENIORITY BY BATCH NUMBERS OR BY STAFF ID. OR EVEN BETTER, BY AGE. WHY CAN'T HUMAN JUST BE NICE TO ONE ANOTHER? WHY MUST THERE BE ZAPPING ONBOARD. EVERYONE WAS ONCE A JUNIOR, ONCE BLURRED. EVEN SENIORS CAN BE BLUR TOO. DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE SENIOR, YOU CAN BOSS ANYONE AROUND. JUST BECAUSE A CREW IS BEING QUIET, HUMBLE, YOU JUST HAVE TO ZAP HER. IS THAT WHY MOST JUNIORS BECAME SO RUDE TO SENIORS? BEING NICE TO EACH OTHER DOESN'T KILL YOU. "WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER." YES I BELIEVED THAT. BUT WHY DIDN'T IT APPLY TO ME. WHY CAN'T I JUST FOR ONCE STAND STRONG FOR MYSELF. AREN'T SENIORS THERE TO GUIDE THE JUNIORS. IF NOT, WHAT'S THE POINT OF CALLING THEMSELVES "SENIORS". SENIORS- BASED ON EXPERIENCE, AGE ETC. JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE MORE EXPERIENCE BEFORE THIS, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO CRITICIZE OTHERS. YOU SHOULD BE GUIDING THEM INSTEAD. THERE WAS ONCE A ZAPPY CREW, THAT'S WHY THERE ARE SO MANY ZAPPY CREW NOW. GAIN THAT RESPECT, IF YOU WANT OTHERS TO RESPECT YOU. "EAT THAT HUMBLE PIE AND YOU WILL SURVIVE." - AS OF WHAT THEY SAID.

23OCTOBER2017

AS I GROW OLDER, STARTING TO BECOME A WORKAHOLIC. I FORGOTTEN ALL ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY. I FORGOTTEN BOUT HOW BLESSED I AM WHENEVER MY BIRTHDAY COMES. INSTEAD, I FEEL SAD AND STARTED TO SHED TEARS BEFORE EVERY NIGHT OF BIRTHDAY AND ON MY BIRTHDAY ITSELF. BIRTHDAY, USED TO BE SOMETHING WORTH TO CELEBRATE AND COMMEMORATE. BUT NOW, I JUST FELT THAT IT'S SUCH A BURDEN. BURDENSOME TO EVEN THINK BOUT HOW TO CELEBRATE. MY BIRTHDAY ALWAYS FALL ON THE DAY WHEREBY NOBODY IS FREE. EVERYONE JUST SIMPLY COMPLAIN ABOUT HOW TROUBLESOME IT IS. I HATE OCTOBER SO MUCH NOW. I WOULD RATHER WORK ON MY BIRTHDAY THAN HAVING AN OFF. MOST CREW WILL TEND TO REQUEST FOR OFF ON THEIR BIRTHDAY. ITS A BLESSING TO GET AN OFF ON YOUR BIRTHDAY. BUT I THINK FOR ME, HAVING AN OFF ON MY BIRTHDAY WOULD ACTUALLY MAKE ME FEEL MORE BURDENSOME. AT LEAST I WORK, I DON'T FEEL ANYTHING. IS THIS TELLING ME SOMETHING. 2ND YEAR CRYING BEFORE AND ON MY BIRTHDAY ITSELF. I FEEL HAPPIER TO WORK ON MY BIRTHDAY I GUESS. AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE FREE TIME TO STARE INTO SPACE, OVERTHINK, OR JUST SIMPLY WASTING MY TIME DOING NOTHING. I START TO SPEAK LESSER THAN I USED TO BE. SLOWLY.. STARTING TO PREFER ALONE TIME. I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME LATELY. 2017 SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD BUT NO, IT HAS BEEN SO BAD SINCE THE START OF THE YEAR. BASICALLY, ITS THE WORST YEAR EVER.

06OCTOBER2017 - 19TH

BOND ENDED. I'VE LOST MY MOTIVATION TO WORK. IN A BLINK OF AN EYE, ITS MY 19TH MONTH OF WORKING IN THIS AIRLINE. TIME FLIES. EVERYDAY JUST SIMPLY WORK, SLEEP, EXERCISE, REPEAT. HONESTLY SPEAKING BEING A WORKAHOLIC IS WORST THAN BEING A STUDENT. BUT I WOULD SAY WORKING IS BETTER THAN STUDYING. MANY THINGS HAPPENED BUT I THINK I'M JUST TOO IMMUNED TO IT. WHATEVER BAD HAPPENED, JUST LET IT GO AND MOVE ON. NO TIME TO EVEN OVERTHINK BOUT IT. I'VE LEARNT BOUT SOMETHING UPON ALL THESE NEGATIVE THINGS HAPPENED. WHEN YOU FEEL HAPPY, REWARD YOURSELF WITH SLEEP. WHEN YOU FEEL UNHAPPY, ANGRY, SAD, ETC. JUST RUN. RUN NON-STOP. VENT OFF THE UNHAPPINESS AND START A NEW DAY AGAIN TOMORROW. WHAT'S GOOD BOUT THIS JOB: TIME FLIES. BEING A SENIOR, I HATE TO BE COMPARED TO JUNIORS. SUCKS TO BE A SENIOR/JUNIOR IN AN AIRLINE. IF YOU ASK ALL THE CREW, THEY WILL TELL YOU THE POSITIVENESS ABOUT THIS JOB BUT THEY WILL NEVER REVEAL THE UNHAPPINESS. BECAUSE OVERALL, BEING A CABIN CREW IS A "GLAMOROUS" JOB AS EVERYONE THOUGHT. BEING AS A CREW, IT'S NOT AS EASY AS JUST SERVING. MEETING NEW PASSENGERS, UNHAPPY PASSENGERS, GRUMPY PASSENGERS,DEMANDING PASSENGERS, ZAPPY CREW, CREW WHO DOESN'T EVEN BOTHER TO HELP ETC. AS MY BOND ENDED,I FELT THAT ALL MY FLIGHTS WERE SO BAD. NONE OF MY FLIGHTS ARE GOOD. PERHAPS ONCE OR TWICE A MONTH WILL HAVE GOOD FLIGHT. BUT IT'S SO RARE. SOMETIMES I AM SO SICK AND TIRED OF THIS JOB BUT YET I WANT TO PROVE TO EVERYONE THAT, "THE MORE YOU WANT TO DESTROY ME, THE MORE I WILL STAND UP STRONG." I USED TO THINK CRYING IS FOR WEAK. THEREFORE I ALWAYS FELT SO NEGATIVE. BUT AS TIME PASSES, I REALIZE, ONCE IN A WHILE. CRY IT OUT, YOU WILL FEEL BETTER. BUT NEVER EVER CRY INFRONT OF SOMEONE YOU HATE. THE MORE THEY WANT TO SEE YOU BREAKDOWN, THE MORE YOU SMILE. DON'T EVER GET DESTROYED BY SOMEONE ELSE. THIS JOB HAS TOUGHENED ME UP. I CAN JUST SIMPLY DON'T BOTHER ABOUT HOW OTHERS LOOK AT ME, JUDGE ME. JUST LIVE THE WAY I WANT. BECAUSE I DON'T LIVE FOR THEM. 5 MORE MONTH TO GO ! JIAYOU JIAYOU!

11JUNE2017 - THANK YOU T

IT HAS BEEN AGES SINCE WE LAST MET. IT HAS BEEN AGES SINCE I LAST FELT SO OVER THE MOON. I REALLY HOPE TO FLY WITH YOU MORE OFTEN NEXT TIME. YOU ASKED ME NOT TO LEAVE THIS JOB. BUT I CAN'T PROMISE TO STAY BECAUSE I THINK I CAN ONLY DECIDE AFTER MY BOND HAS ENDED. YOU ARE LIKE MY HAPPY PILL. I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANOTHER SIDE OF YOU. YOU ARE ALWAYS SUCH A CHEERFUL PERSON WHO ACTUALLY MAKE EVERYONE AROUND YOU FEEL HAPPY WHEN THEY ARE WITH YOU. YOUR SMILE, YOUR VOICE, YOUR EYES ARE SO MESMERIZING. YOU ARE SO ATTRACTIVE IN YOUR OWN WAY AND YOU BROUGHT THAT OUT TO OTHERS. THE MORE I TREAT YOU BADLY, THE MORE YOU STANDS IN MY HEART. I DON'T KNOW WHY DIDN'T I CHOSE YOU THAT TIME. SOMETIMES I REALLY ASK MYSELF THAT QUESTION. HE'S TEMPORARY BUT YOU'RE PERMANENTLY. LET'S JUST HOPE TO HAVE MORE FLIGHTS TOGETHER BEFORE WE OFFICIALLY LEAVE. WHEN WILL BE THE NEXT TIME I'LL BE SEEING YOU AGAIN..

09JUNE2017 - HAPPINESS

HAPPINESS IS A STATE OF WELL-BEING THAT ENCOMPASSES LIVING A GOOD LIFE - WITH A SENSE OF MEANING AND DEEP SATISFACTION. HAPPINESS IS NOT THE RESULT OF BOUNCING FROM ONE JOY TO ANOTHER. ACHIEVING HAPPINESS INVOLVES TIMES OF CONSIDERABLE DISCOMFORT. MONEY - IS IMPORTANT TO HAPPINESS, BUT ONLY TO A CERTAIN POINT. MONEY BUYS FREEDOM FROM WORRY BOUT THE BASIC IN LIFE - HOUSING, FOOD, CLOTHING. GENETIC MAKE UP, LIFE CIRCUMSTANCES, ACHIEVEMENTS, MARITAL STATUS, SOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS - ALL INFLUENCE HOW HAPPY YOU ARE. OR YOU CAN BE. HAPPINESS IS UNDER PERSONAL CONTROL. REGULARLY INDULGING IN SMALL PLEASURES(SUCH AS WARM BATHS, EXERCISE), GETTING ABSORBED IN CHALLENGING ACTIVITIES, SETTING AND MEETING GOALS, MAINTAINING CLOSE SOCIAL TIES,AND FINDING PURPOSE BEYOND ONESELF ARE ALL ACTIONS THAT INCREASE LIFE SATISFACTION. THE KEY TO SATISFACTION IS DOING THINGS THAT FEEL RISKY AND UNCOMFORTABLE. NEGATIVE EMOTIONS DO US GREAT FAVOR: THEY SAVE US FROM OURSELVES. WE NEED STANDARDS TO FULFILL OURSELVES; CHOOSING THE RIGHT ONES IS DIFFICULT. TO STAY AUTHENTIC NO MATTER WHAT: MANAGING YOUR MANY VARIED SELVES. POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY: THE QUESTION IS "HOW" NOT "WHETHER" HAPPINESS INTERVENTIONS WORK. DARK SIDE TO HAPPINESS: IS THERE A DARK SIDE TO HAPPINESS?

08JUNE2017 - WHAT IS LIFE

WHAT IS LIFE? DEFINITION OF LIFE IS CONTROVERSIAL. LIFE ARE COMPOSED OF CELLS, UNDERGO METABOLISM, CAN GROW, ADAPT TO THEIR ENVIRONMENT, RESPOND TO STIMULI AND REPRODUCE. TO LIVE YOUR LIFE TO YOUR FULLEST, IS TO ENJOY. BUT CURRENTLY, I'M LOSING THE REASON TO SURVIVE ON EARTH. I'M LOSING MYSELF WHILE TRYING TO LOOK FOR MY FUTURE. WORKING TO NUMB MYSELF BECAME SO EASY. NOTHING LEFT IN MY LIFE WHICH I'M TRYING TO ACHIEVE. I AM JUST DOING FOR THE SAKE OF DOING EVERYTHING. I'M BREATHING BUT I'M BARELY SURVIVING. I FEEL REALLY TIRED, REALLY VERY TIRED OF MY LIFE. I JUST WANT TO PUT A FULL-STOP TO IT..

07JUNE2017

A YEAR AGO, IT WAS MY GRADUATION. ONE YEAR LATER, IT IS MY ONE YEAR OF FLYING. TIME FLIES. HOW MUCH I WANT THE TIME TO JUST STOP IN THE HAPPY MOMENT FOREVER. I DON'T WANT TO FACE THE TRUTH THAT I AM UNHAPPY ABOUT ALMOST EVERYTHING IN LIFE. I DO NOT WISH TO CRY OVER EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING. I DO NOT WANT MY EVERYDAY TO BE WORK, GYM, SWIM, CRY, STUDY, REPEAT. I DON'T KNOW SINCE WHEN I BECAME SO FRAGILE. I ALWAYS THOUGHT I AM STRONG BUT I WAS WRONG. I WAS FOOLED BY MYSELF. I'M TIRED OF PUTTING A STRONG FRONT OF EVERYONE. I CANNOT EVEN BE REAL INFRONT OF ANYONE. BAD FLIGHT ONE AFTER ANOTHER. EVERYDAY COMING HOME TO JUST MYSELF. BEING BANNED TO DO WHAT I WANT. I WASN'T GIVEN A CHOICE. WHAT IS LIFE WITHOUT A CHOICE? I WANT MY LIFE TO HAVE A CHOICE. I DON'T WANT TO NUMB MYSELF WITH NUMB-LESS PAIN,CRY, RUNNING, SWIMMING TO HIDE MY FEELINGS. I DON'T WANT THE OLD ME TO BE BACK. I LOVE TO BE A CREW YET I HATE TO BE A CREW. I LOVE MY PASSENGERS MORE THAN ANYTHING AND ANYONE, INCLUDING MYSELF. I HATE MY COLLEAGUES JUST LIKE HOW MUCH I HATE BEING CONTROLLED OVER. EVER SINCE I JOINED THIS CAREER, I JUST WANT TO DO EVERYTHING ALONE. OWN TIME, OWN TARGET.THERE ARE TIMES I FELT SO NEGATIVE ABOUT MY LIFE. THERE ARE TIMES I FELT THE NEED TO SURVIVE. BUT HONESTLY, THERE IS NOTHING FOR ME TO LIVE ON MY LIFE NOW. I HAVE FULFILLED MY BIGGEST DREAM JOB. THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS I CAN'T WEAR THE BATIK DUE TO MY CONDITION. I WANT TO JUST LEAVE FOREVER AND I WANT TO BE REBORN WITHOUT ANY HEALTH CONDITION. I WILL STILL CHOOSE TO BE A CABIN CREW IN MY NEXT LIFE. BUT THIS TIME ROUND, I WANT TO BE THE MOST FAMOUS AIRLINE CABIN CREW. I WANT TO PUT ON THE BATIK, I WANT TO PARTICIPATE IN NAPFA TEST, I WANT TO LIVE WITH NO REGRETS, I WANT TO RIDE ON A ROLLER COASTER, I WANT TO DO BUNGEE JUMP, I WOULD NOT MIND TO TRY ANYTHING RISKY BECAUSE I HAVE LIVED ONCE. PERHAPS MY PREVIOUS LIFE, I HAVE DONE ALL THESE, THUS MY CURRENT LIFE, I WAS BORN WITH HEART CONDITION AND BEING BANNED TO DO ALL THESE. PERHAPS MY PREVIOUS LIFE'S DEATH CAUSED BY ONE OF THESE REASON. I LEARNT TO BE FAKE SINCE YOUNG. FAKING A SMILE, FAKING HAPPINESS. I WAS NUMBED SINCE YOUNG. SO MUCH THINGS HAPPENED, SO MUCH UNHAPPINESS AND HAPPINESS. THERE ARE ALWAYS UPS AND DOWNS IN LIFE, MOSTLY IS WITHIN OUR CONTROL BUT WE FAILED TO CONTROL IT WELL. I MISS BEING THE NEGATIVE ICE QUEEN. THEREFORE I'M CURRENTLY FEELING SO NEGATIVE AGAIN. I HATE IT YET I LOVE IT. BAD FLIGHTS JUST MAKE ME WANNA QUIT SO BADLY. I JUST WANT TO RUN AWAY FROM ALL MY PROBLEMS. I SHOULD BE NUMBING MYSELF NOW BUT I'M WASTING MY TIME HERE, DOING THESE AND DOING NOTHING. I HATE HOW MUCH I CAN'T SHOW MY FEELINGS TO OTHERS. I HATE HOW NUMB AM I. I HATE HOW FAKE AM I.TEARY EYES BUT I JUST HAVE TO SUCK IT IN. FAKE A SMILE AND MOVE ON WITH LIFE.